The holidays bring family together—and sometimes that closeness reveals problems we’d rather not see. Watching someone you love drink too much at every gathering, wondering if you should say something or stay quiet, creates a particular kind of heartache that intensifies between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.
At Longleaf Recovery & Wellness, we’ve helped many families navigate these difficult moments. This guide walks through why holiday drinking escalates, how to recognize warning signs, and practical ways to start a conversation that could change someone’s life.
Why Holiday Drinking Often Increases
Maybe you’ve noticed your brother pouring his fourth glass of wine before the turkey is even carved. Perhaps your spouse has been drinking every night since Thanksgiving. Or possibly you’re watching someone you love disappear into a pattern that feels different from years past. Whatever brought you here, you’re asking the right questions—and at Longleaf Recovery & Wellness, we believe that caring enough to notice is the first step toward helping someone you love.
Alcohol consumption rises significantly between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, this period sees some of the highest rates of alcohol-related emergency room visits of the entire year. The reasons behind this spike aren’t mysterious. Holiday parties treat drinking as the main event. Family gatherings stir up old tensions. Financial stress mounts. Grief over absent loved ones feels sharper when everyone else seems to be celebrating.
For someone already struggling with alcohol, the holiday season removes the guardrails that normally keep drinking in check. Routines fall apart. Alcohol appears at every gathering. And the social pressure to join in can feel impossible to resist.
Understanding the Impact on Health and Relationships
Binge drinking becomes far more common during holiday celebrations. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines binge drinking as consuming four or more drinks for women, or five or more for men, within about two hours. During the holidays, many people cross this threshold without realizing it.
The immediate health risks include impaired judgment, accidents, and in severe cases, alcohol poisoning. But the damage often runs deeper than physical health.
- Relationship strain: Arguments that erupt at family dinners Arguments that erupt at family dinners don’t simply vanish when the party ends
- Broken trust: Promises made and broken while drinking erode confidence over time
- Lasting memories: Children who witness a parent’s intoxication carry those images with them
What concerns us most is how holiday drinking patterns can quietly become year-round habits. A few weeks of daily drinking can shift the brain’s chemistry, making it harder to return to previous limits once January arrives.
Myths Vs Facts About Sobering Up
Before approaching a loved one about their drinking, it helps to understand what actually happens when someone drinks too much. Many people believe they can speed up the sobering process, which leads to dangerous decisions like driving before they’re truly safe.
| Myth | Fact |
| Coffee sobers you up | Caffeine creates alertness but does not reduce blood alcohol levels |
| A cold shower helps | Temperature changes have no effect on how the body processes alcohol |
| Sleeping it off works quickly | The liver processes roughly one standard drink per hour regardless of sleep |
| Exercise burns off alcohol | Physical activity does not speed up alcohol metabolism |
The liver works at its own pace. No amount of coffee, cold water, or walking around the block changes that timeline. When someone insists they’re “fine to drive” after trying one of these methods, they’re still just as impaired as before.
How to Recognize Early Warning Signs in a Loved One
Not every instance of holiday overindulgence signals a deeper problem. Plenty of people drink more than usual at a Christmas party and return to their normal habits by January. However, certain patterns suggest something more serious might be developing.
Watch for changes like drinking more than the person originally intended, becoming defensive when anyone mentions alcoholWatch for changes like drinking more than the person originally intended, becoming defensive when anyone mentions alcohol, or seeming to prioritize drinking over other aspects of the gathering. Personality shifts after drinking—sudden aggression, deep sadness, or complete withdrawal—also warrant attention. Frequent morning-after apologies or expressions of regret often indicate that the person recognizes something is wrong, even if they haven’t said so directly.
One helpful approach involves noting specific incidents rather than forming general impressions. This isn’t about building a case against someone. Instead, having concrete examples ready makes the conversation feel less like an attack and more like genuine concern.
Effective Ways to Communicate Concerns
Talking to someone about their drinking ranks among the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have. The timing, setting, and tone all matter enormously. Get any of them wrong, and the conversation shuts down before it starts.
Never bring up drinking concerns during a party or when your loved one has been drinking. The middle of Christmas dinner is not the moment. Neither is the car ride home after they’ve had too much.
Instead, choose a quiet time when you’re both sober and unlikely to be interrupted. A weekend morning over coffee works well. Starting the conversation might sound like: “I’ve been thinking about something, and I care about you too much not to mention it.”
The difference between expressing concern and passing judgment often comes down to word choice. “You always drink too much and embarrass yourself” puts someone on the defensive immediately. “I felt worried when I saw how much you were drinking at dinner—I care about you and wanted to check in” opens a door instead of slamming one shut.
Using “I” statements keeps the focus on your feelings and observations. This approach feels less like an accusation and more like an invitation to talk.
Vague concerns are easy to dismiss. Specific observations are harder to wave away.
Rather than saying “you drink too much,” try something like: “At Thanksgiving, I noticed you had six drinks before dinner and seemed unsteady when you stood up. That worried me.” Focus on the behavior and its effects rather than labeling the person or diagnosing a problem.
How to Plan Ahead for Safer Gatherings
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do happens before anyone takes a single drink. Creating an environment where excessive drinking becomes less likely protects everyone involved.
Stock appealing alternatives that feel festive rather than punitive. Sparkling ciders, mocktails, and craft sodas give everyone something interesting to hold. When nonalcoholic options sit alongside the wine and beer as equally valid choices, people feel less pressure to drink alcohol just to participate.
If you’re hosting, you have every right to establish boundaries around alcohol. Limiting the bar to beer and wine, stopping service after a certain hour, or simply having less alcohol available than in previous years all send a message without requiring a confrontation. Arranging transportation options ahead of time—whether rideshares or designated drivers—removes one common excuse for “just one more.”
Sometimes the healthiest choice is leaving early. If you’re attending a gathering with a loved one whose drinking concerns you, agree beforehand on a signal that means “it’s time to go.” A simple phrase like “I’m getting tired” can serve as code. Having a plan reduces the awkwardness of making that call in the moment.
When Professional Help Becomes Necessary
There’s a point where supportive conversations and environmental changes aren’t enough. Recognizing that point can be difficult, but certain signs suggest professional treatment would help.
- Physical dependence: Shaking, sweating, or anxiety when not drinking indicate the body has adapted to expect alcohol
- Failed attempts: Multiple sincere efforts to cut back that haven’t worked Multiple sincere efforts to cut back that haven’t worked suggest willpower alone isn’t sufficient
- Escalating tolerance: Needing more alcohol to achieve the same effect points to changing brain chemistry
- Life disruption: When drinking affects work performance, relationships, or physical health, the problem has grown beyond occasional overindulgence
Professional treatment isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a recognition that some challenges require specialized support—the same way a broken bone requires a doctor rather than just rest.
Moving Forward with Confidence and Support
Addressing a loved one’s drinking takes courage. You might worry about damaging the relationship or being told to mind your own business. You might fear making things worse. All of those concerns make sense.
But staying silent while someone you care about struggles isn’t really protecting the relationship. It’s just postponing a harder conversation down the road.
Recovery is possible, and it often begins with one person caring enough to speak up. The conversation you’re dreading might be the one that changes everything.
FAQs about holiday drinking concerns
Denial is extremely common and doesn’t mean your concern was misplaced. Rather than pushing for agreement, focus on specific behaviors you’ve observed. Let them know you’re available whenever they’re ready to talk more, then give them space to process what you’ve said.
Activities that don’t center on drinking often become more meaningful than the ones they replace. Game nights, outdoor activities, cooking together, or volunteering as a family all create connection without requiring alcohol. Starting a new tradition takes intention, but it can reshape how your family experiences the holidays.
Ideally, have this conversation before the holiday rush begins—perhaps in early November. Choose a private moment when neither of you is stressed, rushed, or under the influence. Trying to have this talk between parties or on a holiday itself rarely goes well.
You can’t control how others behave, but you can set your own boundaries. Consider having private conversations with key family members about your concerns. Focus on what you can control in your own interactions, and avoid getting drawn into arguments about whether a problem exists.
At Longleaf Recovery & Wellness, we believe that reaching out for help—whether for yourself or someone you love—reflects strength rather than weakness. Our team in Alabama provides compassionate, evidence-based care tailored to each person’s unique situation. If the holidays have raised concerns about drinking or substance use in your family, we’re here to help you figure out the next step.
- National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. “The Truth About Holiday Spirits.” https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/truth-about-holiday-spirits
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Binge Drinking.” https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/binge-drinking.htm
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. “Talk. They Hear You.” https://www.samhsa.gov/talk-they-hear-you
- National Institute on Drug Abuse. “Understanding Drug Use and Addiction DrugFacts.” https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugfacts/understanding-drug-use-addiction
